Detemination.. Doesn't mean you're accomplishing anything.

Peace.

Haha, aint it the damn truth! I'm determined to do atleast a few blogs a month, but does that mean I'm accomplishing anything?

Atleast I can get my thoughts down. Let's see..

First thing on the agenda. I'm out of school now. After this semester it's over for me.

Why? All my money has officially disappeared. Disappeared somewhere beneath all the bills, the turntable repairs, the lack of gigs, and hospital bills. The thing that did it was spending my last grand on my damn tooth.

Just when I thought I avoided all trouble with my parents by moving out...They find my house and break in at 3 AM. Start yelling at me and spraying their alcoholic mucus in my air, effectively slicing through my good mood. One thing led to another and my mom was yelling some Korean jibber jabber at me, after 30 minutes of trying to calm her down I lost my cool. Not because of the time it took, but because she started to bring up issues of the past that happen to be very sensitive to my heart. Something like bringing up an old friend dying, etc etc. I lost it.

As I started returning her screams, I effectively shut her up. She had no come backs and it felt gooooood....But... off the corner of my eye, my dad stood up off my couch and stepped to me. His "I must defend my crazy ass wife" instincts must have kicked in. Last thing I remember is his uppercut meeting my chin, mid-sentence. I was zinged and saw the floor hit my head, and I blacked out.

I woke up in another room, with all kinds of bruises, cuts, my head through a door, and tooth shards in my mouth.

SHIT. They actually did it. They cheap shotted me, knocked me out, and beat me to hell while I was out...SHIT.

First thing I did was spit out all them tooth shards and look for which tooth was broken. Front tooth, wtf. First thing I thought was, "dam, I can't afford to have a haggered tooth! I got job interviews, I got a girl to kiss, I got (please excuse the arrogance) a pretty(ish) face!"

One thing led to another, and I payed the dentist for what had to be done. I thought it was gonna be a simple fill in, until I told him when the air touched my tooth (which, unfortunately, was all the time) it hurt like a mother. He looked at it and told me that my tooth had mad cracks. That it was just a bunch of shards that looked like half a tooth. None of my tooth was actually connected. Damn. I had to get a crown in it.

No cash left.

That's life I guess.

It made me rethink everything. While I was weeping like a willow, I thought of a lot of things.

How others have it worse.

I wondered if I should finally just call the police.

I thought of what would happen if I drove my car into a mountain.

And I thought of what I was doing with my life... How on fire I was for getting in the music business. How I saved up all this cash... just to see it all go for some bullshit.

I had heart, passion, DETERMINATION. But that doesn't mean I'm accomplishing anything. I can't just like music and wanna be a producer/dj that is successful enough to support himself. Nah.

I gotta have a vision, I got to focus my determination more. What is my vision? What is my mission statement? What is the deeper meaning behind what I'm doing?

Then it all hit me. Harder than that asshole's uppercut. I knew, then, why I'm doing this.. I have a story to tell, and I'm gonna touch the world.

Peace.