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Grinding

Short update..

Big Ups to Dante Dennis. http://http://www.facebook.com/?page=1&sk=messages&tid=1360093238760#!/profile.php?id=1634080806

I'm signed to Ruff Ryders as a Producer Apprentice... Now i damn near am the main beat maker.

Made lots of damn decent tracks. Now I gotta network and get paid. Do Business! That's tomorrow at the after party at Hilton. A lot of industry cats, that we've all heard of, is gon be there and my record label got me a vip to it. Good Lookin Ruff Ryders!

A free show is gon be at the park by the ymca by the livestock this sunday too. I'm djing.

but what I'm tryna get off my chest right now is this drama... There's this cat from chi town who I've been recording. Ol boy got beef with me! Talkin shit about ME talkin shit to HIM?? Anyway, we had our lil back n forth thru texting, but tomoro he wants to talk about it face to face. He was my boy tho, I stood up for him when others would talk mad shit. And he tryna roll up on me?? But then again it's not him, it's just the misunderstanding. I mean if I heard one of my patnas was talkin all that smack, I'd step to him too. So for those of u who don't know what it means to "talk out our beef". We meet in a basement or somewhere where we won't bother nobody, and just talk. We either work it out, or we end up fighting. But I aint trippin... over bullish like this, we're gonna work it out.

And one more thing.. I've been dating that K-girl for about 8 or somethin months now. I'm officially in love :] That's my boo and I'm done wit creepin. For now. This is not a girl to creep on!

Peace world

"Lemonade's a popular drink and it STILL IS. I get more stunts and props than Bruce WILLIS"

Detemination.. Doesn't mean you're accomplishing anything.

Peace.

Haha, aint it the damn truth! I'm determined to do atleast a few blogs a month, but does that mean I'm accomplishing anything?

Atleast I can get my thoughts down. Let's see..

First thing on the agenda. I'm out of school now. After this semester it's over for me.

Why? All my money has officially disappeared. Disappeared somewhere beneath all the bills, the turntable repairs, the lack of gigs, and hospital bills. The thing that did it was spending my last grand on my damn tooth.

Just when I thought I avoided all trouble with my parents by moving out...They find my house and break in at 3 AM. Start yelling at me and spraying their alcoholic mucus in my air, effectively slicing through my good mood. One thing led to another and my mom was yelling some Korean jibber jabber at me, after 30 minutes of trying to calm her down I lost my cool. Not because of the time it took, but because she started to bring up issues of the past that happen to be very sensitive to my heart. Something like bringing up an old friend dying, etc etc. I lost it.

As I started returning her screams, I effectively shut her up. She had no come backs and it felt gooooood....But... off the corner of my eye, my dad stood up off my couch and stepped to me. His "I must defend my crazy ass wife" instincts must have kicked in. Last thing I remember is his uppercut meeting my chin, mid-sentence. I was zinged and saw the floor hit my head, and I blacked out.

I woke up in another room, with all kinds of bruises, cuts, my head through a door, and tooth shards in my mouth.

SHIT. They actually did it. They cheap shotted me, knocked me out, and beat me to hell while I was out...SHIT.

First thing I did was spit out all them tooth shards and look for which tooth was broken. Front tooth, wtf. First thing I thought was, "dam, I can't afford to have a haggered tooth! I got job interviews, I got a girl to kiss, I got (please excuse the arrogance) a pretty(ish) face!"

One thing led to another, and I payed the dentist for what had to be done. I thought it was gonna be a simple fill in, until I told him when the air touched my tooth (which, unfortunately, was all the time) it hurt like a mother. He looked at it and told me that my tooth had mad cracks. That it was just a bunch of shards that looked like half a tooth. None of my tooth was actually connected. Damn. I had to get a crown in it.

No cash left.

That's life I guess.

It made me rethink everything. While I was weeping like a willow, I thought of a lot of things.

How others have it worse.

I wondered if I should finally just call the police.

I thought of what would happen if I drove my car into a mountain.

And I thought of what I was doing with my life... How on fire I was for getting in the music business. How I saved up all this cash... just to see it all go for some bullshit.

I had heart, passion, DETERMINATION. But that doesn't mean I'm accomplishing anything. I can't just like music and wanna be a producer/dj that is successful enough to support himself. Nah.

I gotta have a vision, I got to focus my determination more. What is my vision? What is my mission statement? What is the deeper meaning behind what I'm doing?

Then it all hit me. Harder than that asshole's uppercut. I knew, then, why I'm doing this.. I have a story to tell, and I'm gonna touch the world.

Peace.

Someone bring it back!!

I know true hip hop has never really been "dead'', per se. But the mainstream media has definitely distorted it's image. Can I blame em though? With the economy down, they didn't really have a choice but to round out the edges and only play the pop sounding songs. And in return, all the more experimental music has virtually died to the average listener's ears. This includes the kind of hip hop that doesn't involve money, sex and violence.

I see Rakim coming with new albums, I see Nas, etc. And now I see Chali 2na coming out with his first solo album(which was actually a few months ago now) and if you haven't taken a listen to him yet, then do so NOW. Get on itunes and cop it. Some of the songs don't seem to be with the times yet, but a lot of them are worth a good listen. His voice would bring back memories and head nods to any old school hip hop head. And just in case you don't remember who this dude is, he was one of the MCs off Jurassic 5. One of the more distinct voices. Think deep and low and you'll remember who I'm talking about.

Any cat who's been complaining(like me) about wanting more Hip Hop music... It's been out there! They're exactly where you can grab them! On itunes, in stores, on limewire. It's just a matter of digging and finding them. The OGs have been back people. They're just buried by pop artists and mass media. A little digging and you just might find an old favorite rapper of yours coming back with some new joints. If you've been following the OG albums like I have, we owe it to them to spread the word. I'm not talkin bout going on a public marketing campaign. Naw. Maybe bump it in the car with all your friends and family listenin. DJs drop em at parties, I know you can atleast play that shit during your warm up set. All us true fuckas owe it to Hip Hop by keeping the fire going. I know Hip Hop has affected lives. I know it's (literally) saved mine, glory to God. Artists like Nas and Chali 2na can barely make it gold sometimes while some other whack ass album is going multi-platinum. Fck that. The fire is there, it's smaller but not dead, not even close. Imagine if we all threw in our own little piece of paper in that fire. All of us. That fire would grow and gobble up all that bullshit (big corporation and business politics) that's been keepin it down.

That's my two cents anyway. At the very least, I hope you guys will support an MC's album this week. I'm talkin MC, NOT a rapper. My little sister can rap, but only a few dudes out there will have what it takes to be a great MC.

One Love

Can a player ever change?

I was talkin to my friend Ash right now.. And she smacked me with some wisdom: We're young, why not just have fun? We'll always meet someone better and we have our whole lives to find a partner.

Part of me wants to know what a long term relationship feels like.. but i look at the relationship between me and my girl and see maybe it isn't as perfect as I made it out to be. We differ in language and culture, that's huge! We both bump Nas, and we both work out every damn day. But there's mad hunnies out there that's like that. The sex is good, but that doesn't last forever. I don't even know her, we've never had a chance to have a deep converstaion.

And on the side, I'm DJing a couple gigs a weekend now. I meet so many pretty girls I have chemistry with, it's just so tempting.. I'm trying to be a good BF. But part of me wants to just rip some clothes off, ykno?

I think the only reason I'm staying with her is that she's the hottest girl in Reno right now, and if I break up with her every other guy is gonna go after her. Do I like the status of dating the hottest K-girl in Reno and eating up the envy of all the guys more than I like HER??


Okay. I got it. I'll administer(spelling) a test. I won't see her til this saturday, I'll see if I miss her more or think of her less. Then make a decision.

Feeling so sad

Just as a prerequisite to this post: My roommate happens to be one of my closest brothers left in this fucked up world. He's a 23 year old dude who has been supporting his parents for a long ass time now. Not cause his parents are lazy, they just happened to not be as blessed as the rest of our parents who can hear and speak. He's a hard working cat I met a while back and we've been like brothers since.

Anyway, for the past few weeks or so. Life's been hitting him hard and I was startin to notice some wrinkles and tears on his face. As the days went on, his mood just got worse n worse. I mean, we've all hit that "rock bottom" and it seems like the world is just tryna push us lower and lower. But I was 100% sure he would pull his ass through, come out on top.

Yesterday, the last thing he said to me was, "Eric, no matter what happens, I always got ya back." with a tone that was just so sincere and serious at the same time. I looked at his face, his eyes were emotionless. He was sitting there waiting for me to make eye contact, as if to make sure I truly understood what he was trying to say to me.
I said, "I know dude, I got yours too." He blinked slowly and looked away.

That was his last words to me. I came back home today and he was fuckking gone..
ALL his shit is still sitting in his closet and desk. I usually knock first, and I'm sorry if you're reading this right now bruh, but I was worried about ya. So I walked in and his shit was all folded and nice and he was fucking gone. He wasn't at work or at a friends or drunk somewhere or anything. Just... gone...

This house is way to quiet without him. I've been bumping De La Soul all day, so I can stall the loneliness. But damn..

That was my dude. That's my dude. And he's fucking gone.

Summary

Man, mad updates are needed. First of all, why is everyone trippin about Kanye's outburst? You can say "That's just kanye, he's gonna be like that so just let it go", you can say "He's still human and should be held to the same standards as everyone else.. he unrightfully stole that moment from her!" Or something in between. I say thats an issue between Kanye West and everyone else who was involved.. I know it was on national television, but what part of the biz isn't nowadays, really. Let them handle it. Let's all save our energy for our own damn problems.

Whew

Now, I know it's been a rollercoaster ride with this fob girlthang of mine. But long story short: Shortly after the last post, I talked to my girl Ash about it and I realized that we probly shulda never gone so far anyway. The fob girlthand and I got in a little beef. But I got over her... BUT that fob girlthang called me the very next morning to make up and we hung out one day.. then another.. then another.. then another. We built a lot of chemistry, and she promised me she is gon master english within two months, and I promised her I'd get my six pack back by then, hahaha. We've been getting closer everday, feels like we been dating forever already.
Oh! And today she told me she loves me.. Whoa. I have three different feelings about this. Part one is thinking "Big ups to myself, lol. I did it again, I hooked another hottie". Part two is thinking "She loves me THIS soon??". And part three is thinking "She really loves me? I kinda like that :]"